A real mother gets emotional and what to do about it

Sometimes, at the end of a particularly difficult or frustrating parenting day — because let’s face it, we all go through it — I find myself closing my eyes and drifting into a dream. A warm, peaceful day enjoying an uninterrupted candlelight bath with a taxi franc, or my husband and I passionately embracing. In fact, I’m lucky if I can pee without a kid scurrying at the door wanting my love and attention. I know I’m not alone when it comes to feeling emotional or overly emotional as a mother.

If you know and follow me, you also know that I always Let’s keep it real, which is why I wanted to dig into this topic about what it feels like to be a mother, even if it feels a bit taboo to talk about it. As always, I’m committed to creating a safe space for moms to talk about things they fear they might be judged or embarrassed about. But here’s the thing: motherhood is a journey, and with everything in life, it’s filled with a myriad of feelings and experiences — not all of them positive!

So without further ado, let’s talk about feeling overwhelmingly emotional as a mother.

Featured image of Taylor Jones.

Image credits: Taylor Jones

What does emotional mean?

Of course, kids don’t share the same boundaries as adults when it comes to personal space, and that’s understandable as they learn to form healthy attachments. Before children learn the language to express their needs, they rely on you to provide them with the care and affection so they feel safe, and that often happens in form of body touching.

Between breastfeeding, holding your baby, slinging your baby on your hips and their little hands grabbing every part of you, moms often don’t have time for themselves. In fact, one survey found that mothers have on average 32 minutes “my time” a day. And as a mother, that can be generous.

The self-care movement has exploded in popularity in recent years, and for good reason. Self-care is supposed to be promote overall welfare and reduce anxiety, depression, and even illness. So, what happens when your heavy job as a parent doesn’t allow you time to take care of yourself? You become exhausted to the touch. You find yourself pale when your partner kisses you even though you love them and want to be close to them. Being overly emotional takes a toll on yourself and the relationships around you, and that’s something everyone has to deal with!

I feel so emotional, it’s hard to reconcile my own needs even if they are second to my child’s needs. I also feel very embarrassed admit this because there are so many Candlestick when it comes to motherhood. I Candlestick grateful that my baby is breastfeeding. I Candlestick I’m glad they want to cuddle me all the time because soon they will. And if you are also experiencing these feelings, you should know that this is completely normal and it does not mean that you are a bad parent. It’s perfectly valid that you need to find space for yourself so you can protect yourself and your sanity to be able to refill your tank and put your best foot forward.

To better understand the concept of over-emotion, I clicked on Danielle Locklear, a licensed marriage and family therapist who can provide some insight and advice. I left our conversation with tons of valuable information that will be included throughout this article, but one of the things that caught my attention immediately was how “the emotional feeling of admitting that You are human and your body’s response to feeling overwhelmed. “If you feel bad because your feelings are doing you Not If you want to be touched, remember that this is a physical response and don’t feel ashamed or guilty about it.

How to Communicate Your Needs

The best thing you can do when you start to feel overly emotional is to communicate your need. I know, easier said than done, but I have some tips for starting a conversation. When it comes to issues with your co-worker’s parents, I find that the best time to talk about my needs is when I feel calm because I think it’s difficult to communicate coherently when I’m in the dark. anxiety and overwhelm — I know I’m not alone!

First, I clearly understood what my needs were. Sometimes what I need is as easy as an hour of reading behind closed doors, and other times, I need a weekend getaway with myself or with a girlfriend. My husband Tyler always understands what to do when my cup needs to be filled and never makes me feel guilty about it. At the end of the day, your partner is here to shoulder parenting responsibilities together, and that includes making sure each other is taken care of, too. Whenever I come back from a break, it always benefits me, my kids and my relationship with my husband.

Children, on the other hand, are less knowledgeable about needing space. But communicating with them when you need a break from being touched also helps teach them boundaries for themselves. A simple statement like “I would love to spend time with you and hug you, but I need some time to sit down myself,” can often do the trick.

And Locklear agrees: “Communicating our physical boundaries and clear messages of consent with children will ultimately be a great lesson for future relationships,” she says. Setting boundaries with your child will not only protect themselves, but will have a dual effect on their development as they begin to understand proper boundaries for touch and physical behavior. I find this point incredibly inspiring — communicating with your kids early and modeling that sometimes “now is not the time” is really in your favor and for them.

Locklear outlines: “Communicate what is non-negotiable and then let them know where they have options. “For example, the living room would be a quiet place but you can do a puzzle or color. Alternatively, you can go into your room and be loud.” This type of model lets children know that these things Not for debate, but this is your choice. It will also help them later in life to acknowledge that they can too set boundaries, whether it is at work or in their love life. Better to teach them early, I say!

How to deal

If, after talking to your partner and children about how you’re feeling, you’re still struggling, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Near the end of our conversation, Danielle said something that really pissed me off.

“Don’t keep your expectations [of what you’re capable of] by an old standard. Your family is not what it used to be and neither are you.”

And I couldn’t agree more.

With all the blessings that motherhood brings, there’s one lovelier part of work — yes, work — that helps you stand your ground. Before becoming a mother, I read all the parenting books, and none of them prepared me for the fatigue of always having a clingy and clingy little baby. own body.

Much of parenting is about getting over it and figuring out what’s right for you friend. With a little communication and by allowing yourself time to yourself and not touch your baby, you’ll be better equipped to deliver those famous mom hugs without sacrificing yourself.

For more information about Danielle Locklear Counseling and her services, you can check out her website or follow her on Instagram at @dlcounseingatx.

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